But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
