I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize