You're my little dorito
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Someone came in the potted fern
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
