I'm lost and stupid without you.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Success! We fucked roommates!
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