My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
