Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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