bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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