Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
