Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
