after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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