Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
