The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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