Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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