Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
