I wish I could teleport
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
