Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
