Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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