So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
