The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
