I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
