Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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