Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
