We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
