ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I have demons in me.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
