No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
