I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
