Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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