you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
