He uses pillows to masturbate.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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