Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
