im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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