hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I could make wine with my vomit
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
