what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
