You smell like a Billy Joel song
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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