The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
