I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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