dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
