i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
