Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he's gonorrhea incarnate
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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