I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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