Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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