ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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