Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize