I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
