Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
