I'm so fucking centered right now
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
