That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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