apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
