What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
