My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize