does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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