dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
