i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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