Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
