Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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