i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize