I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
