don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
