problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
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