I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
