He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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