if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
