I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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