Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
