uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
