My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
