She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
