I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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