I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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