Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
