i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
