so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
