remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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