I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
