look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
