Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
a search helicopter?!
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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