At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
