Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
