Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
