I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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