Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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