similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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