oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
