Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
