Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
